See how much you remember about some less-than-important things from a few decades back.

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
   a. One A Day vitamins
   b. The Tighmaster
   c. Spaghetti-O’s
   d. Wonder Bread
   e. Orange Juice
   f. Milk
   g. Big Macs

2. Before he was Muhammad Ali, he was…
   a. Paula Abdul
   b. Mr. Bean
   c. Gene Rayburn
   d. George Costanzia
   e. Fabian
   f. Hank Aaron
   g. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, “We have met the enemy and…
   a. It’s time to celebrate
   b. He is scared
   c. It’s the Grinch
   d. He wasn’t home
   e. He’s really mean
   f. We quit
   g. We shall eat!

4. Good night, David.
   a. Good night, Goliath
   b. Sleep well
   c. Good Night, Irene
   d. Good Night, Gracie
   e. See you later, alligator
   f. Until tomorrow
   g. Good night, Chet

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went,
   a. When you use Tide
   b. When see a skunk and smell their scent
   c. When you wash your underwear
   d. If you paint the room blue
   e. If you buy a soft water tank
   f. When you use Lady Clairol
   g. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend,
   a. Leave It To Beaver
   b. Captain Kangaroo
   c. Duper
   d. Maynard G. Krebbs
   e. Maryann
   f. The Professor
   g. Gilligan

7. Liar, liar…
   a. I’m for hire
   b. Your nose is growing
   c. Pants on fire
   d. Join the choir
   e. Jump up higher
   f. On the wire
   g. I’m telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and…
   a. High gas prices
   b. Lois Lane
   c. TV ratings
   d. Ironman
   e. Lower taxes
   f. The American way
   g. Sex In The City

9. Hey, kids, what time is it?
   a. It’s Timex Time!
   b. It’s time to do your homework
   c. It’s Howdy Doody Time
   d. It’s Time for Romper Room
   e. It’s bedtime
   f. The Hillary Clinton Hour
   g. Scoopy Doo Time

10. Lions and tigers and bears…
    a. Yikes
    b. Oh no
    c. Gee whiz
    d. Oh Me
    e. Oh My
    f. And monkeys
    h. Zoo time!

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone
    a. Over 40
    b. Dressed as a woman
    c. Carrying a briefcase
    d. Over 30
    e. You don’t know
    f. Who says, “Trust me”
    g. Who eats tofu

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s
    stockings.
    a. Peyton Manning
    b. O.J. Simpson
    c. Joe Namath
    d. Roger Stauback
    e. Joe Montana
    f. Tom Brady
    g. Ryan Leaf

13. Brylcream…
    a. Smear it on for great sex!
    b. You’ll smell great
    c. Tame that cowlick
    d. Gives you a shine every time
    e. It’s a dream
    f. We’re your team
    g. A little dab’ll do ya

14. I found my thrill…
    a. In Blueberry muffins
    b. With my man, Bill
    c. Down at the mill
    d. Over the windowsill
    e. In Las Vegas
    f. Too late to enjoy
    g. On Blueberry Hill

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by
    a. Jerry Lewis
    b. Mary Martin
    c. Billy Martin
    d. Less Nessman
    e. Sally Fields
    f. Hulk Hogan
    g. Sonny Bono

16. Name the Beatles
    a. John, Mickey, George, Ringo
    b. John, Paul, George, Davey
    c. John, Paul, Ricky, Ringo
    d. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
    e. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
    f. Peter, Paul, and Mary
    g. John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who
    a. Who ate the beef?
    b. Who paid the bills?
    c. Wants to go to McDonalds?
    d. Who wrote the book of love?
    e. Invented the bra?
    f. Is Wonder Woman?
    g. Do you love?

18. I’m strong to the finish
    a. Cause I eats my broccoli
    b. Cause I eats me spinach
    c. Cause I lift weights
    d. Cause I’m the hero
    e. And don’t you forget it
    f. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
    g. No pimples, no blemish

19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today…
    a. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
    b. Smile, you’re on Star Search
    c. Smile, I see your underwear!
    d. Smile, we’re watching you
    e. Smile, the world sees you
    f. Smile, you’re a hit
    g. Smile, you’re on TV

20. What do M & M’s do?
    a. Make a mess
    b. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
    c. Make you fat
    d. Makes you pass gas
    e. Make you popular
    f. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
    g. Something kinky

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• Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
• Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
• You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
• Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
• There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
• You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
• None of the tires on your vehicle are the same size.
• Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
• Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
• Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
• You’ve ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
• Starting your car involves popping the hood.
• Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
• You whistle at women in church.
• You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
• You’ve been in a fist fight at a yard sale.
• You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the back seat.

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How often does someone bursting all of those puffs on a sheet of packing paper annoy you? OR - Are you the person who is continually being told to “quit that” you are annoying me!

TRY THIS WITH YOUR DOG:

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Before you waste too much time here at Surface Secular Holiday - You may be interested in some “Tried and True” deeper segments. HERE and The “Marine” Poem

SANTA TRACKING? Click
SANTA BOWLING Download and/or play
UGLY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS? Click
ELF YOURSELF? Click
SCROOGE YOURSELF? Click

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS with A TOUCH OF “TOTO”
Straight No Chaser

Secular Christmas Facts

• Winter was a time of celebration to pre-Christian Romans and they decorated fir trees in honor of this seasonal change.
• The use of a Christmas wreath as a decoration on your front door, mantel or bay window symbolizes a sign of welcome and long life to all who enter.
• Today poinsettias are the most popular Christmas plant and are the number one flowering potted plant in the United States.
• Real Christmas trees are an all-American product, grown in all 50 states, including Alaska and Hawaii.
• Most artificial trees are manufactured in Korea, Taiwan, or Hong Kong.
• For every real Christmas tree harvested, 2 to 3 seedlings are planted in its place.
• In 1836, Alabama is the first state in the USA to declare Christmas a legal holiday.
• The biggest selling Christmas single of all time is Bing Crosby’s White Christmas.
• Due to the time zones, Santa has 31 hours to deliver gifts? This means that he would have to visit 832 homes each second!
• In 1937, the first postage stamp to commemorate Christmas was issued in Austria.
• For every real Christmas tree harvested, 2 to 3 seedlings are planted in its place. Each hectare provides the daily oxygen requirements of 45 people.
• Epiphany, 6th January, is the traditional end of the Christmas holiday and is the date on which we take down the tree and decorations. To do so earlier is thought to bring bad luck for the rest of the year. From the middle ages until the mid-nineteenth century, Twelfth Night was more popular than Christmas day, and even today some countries celebrate Epiphany as the most important day of the Christmas season.
• Three years after Thomas Edison invented the electric light bulb in 1879, Edward H. Johnson, who worked for Edison’s company, had Christmas tree bulbs especially made for him. He proudly displayed his electric tree lights at his home on Fifth Avenue, New York City. They caused a sensation although some years were to pass before mass-manufactured Christmas tree lights were widely available.
• In America in 1822, the postmaster of Washington, DC, complained that he had to add 16 mailmen at Christmas to deal with cards alone. He wanted the number of cards a person could send limited by law. “I don’t know what we’ll do if this keeps on,” he wrote.

SECULAR BEHAVIOR TIPS

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Anesthetist
4. Cinnamon
5. Chrysanthemum

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition
3. Anti-constitutionalistically
4. Transubstantiate
5. Sphygmomanometer

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have s*x
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. Mac Donalds? No thanks, I’m not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I’m not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool
9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to hurl in the street.
10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

WHY WOMEN WOULD LIKE BEING SANTA
Why Women Would Love Being Santa Claus

1. You’d never be expected to make the coffee.
2. There’d be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
3. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert’s and consider it a job requirement.
4. One big black belt - accessorized for life!
5. There’d be no reason to have your colors done.
6. Everyone would be extremely nice to you, even if you weren’t.
7. Should people suggest your belly jiggled…that is when you giggled…like a bowlful of jelly, you could hit them with your purse.
8. You’d always work in sensible footwear.
9. There’d be no need to play office politics; a hearty ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’, would remind everyone who’s boss.
10. You wouldn’t need an expensive briefcase.
11. No one would dare ask for a ride to work.
12. Never again have to wear pantyhose or worry about your slip showing.
13. No more trips to the vending machine…you’d just snack on milk and cookies all day long.
14. You’d never be asked to take an early retirement package.
15. Juggling work and family would be a breeze because your children would adore you; even your teen-agers would want to sit in your lap.
16. You’d be guaranteed the best chair in the office.
17. Age discrimination wouldn’t be an issue.
18. You’d never grab the wrong coat on your way out the door.
19. No one would ask to see your job description.
20. Your co-workers would be on notice that they’d better not pout.

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This test does not measure your intelligence, your fluency with words, and certainly not your mathematical ability. It will, however, give you some gauge of your mental flexibility and creativity. In the years since the test was developed, few people who could solve more than half the questions on the first try. Many, however, reported getting answers long after the test was put aside, particularly at unexpected moments when their mind were relaxed and some reported solving questions over a period of several days. Take this as a presonal challenge.

INSTRUCTIONS: Each question below contains the initials of words that will make it correct. Find the missing words.

EXAMPLE: 16 = O. in a P. ANSWER: Ounces in a Pound.

1. 26 = L. of the A. __________________________________
2. 7 = D. of the W. __________________________________
3. 1001 = A.N. ______________________________________
4. 12 = S. of the Z. __________________________________
5. 54 = C. in a D. (with J’s) ____________________________
6. 9 = P. in the S.S. __________________________________
7. 88 = P.K. _________________________________________
8. 13 = S. on the A.F. _________________________________
9. 32 = D.F. at which W.F. _____________________________
10. 18 = H. on a G.C. __________________________________
11. 90 = D. in a R.A. ___________________________________
12. 200 = D. for P.G. in M. ______________________________
13. 8 = S. on a S.S. ___________________________________
14. 3 = B.M. (S.H.T.R.) ________________________________
15. 4 = Q. in a G. _____________________________________
16. 24 = H. in a D. _____________________________________
17. 1 = W. on a U. _____________________________________
18. 5 = D. in a Z.C. ____________________________________
19. 57 = M.V. _________________________________________
20. 11 = P. on a F.B.T. _________________________________
21. 1000 = W. that a P. is W. ___________________________
22. 29 = D. in F. in a L.Y. _______________________________
23. 64 = S. on a C.B. __________________________________
24. 40 = D. and N. of the G.F. ___________________________
25. 76 = T. in the B.P. __________________________________
26. 50 = W. to L.Y.L. ___________________________________
27. 99 = B. of B. on the W. ______________________________
28. 60 = S. in a M. _____________________________________
29. 1 = H. on a U. _____________________________________
30. 9 = J. on the S.C. __________________________________
31. 7 = B. for S.B. _____________________________________
32. 21 = D. on a D. ____________________________________
33. 7 = W. of the A.W. _________________________________
34. 15 = M. on a D.M.C. ________________________________

IF YOU ANSWERED 1 - 6 QUESTIONS, YOU ARE AVERAGE.
IF YOU ANSWERED 6 - 12, YOU ARE SOMEWHAT INTELLIGENT.
IF YOU ANSWERED 12 - 18, YOU ARE INTELLIGENT.
IF YOU ANSWERED OVER 18, YOU DESERVE A BETTER PAYING JOB.

THE FIRST ONE IS A “FREEBIE” - - HAVE FUN!!!!!

NEXT DAY - - 27 JULY 2007 - - THE ANSWERS . . .

Since I typed the questions while I was “half-a-sleep” last night - #19 had an “M” where an “H” should have been. - - (typical typist after all!) - - Sorry for the error.

1. 26 = L. of the A. — Letters of the Alphabet
2. 7 = D. of the W. — 7 Days of the Week
3. 1001 = A.N. — 1001 Arbian Nights
4. 12 = S. of the Z. — 12 Signs of the Zodiac
5. 54 = C. in a D. (with J’s) — 54 Cards in a Deck (with Jokers)
6. 9 = P. in the S.S. — 9 Planets in the Solar System
7. 88 = P.K. — 88 Piano Keys
8. 13 = S. on the A.F. — 13 Strips on the American Flag
9. 32 = D.F. at which W.F.– 32 Degrees Fahrenheit at Which Water Freezes
10. 18 = H. on a G.C. — 18 Holes on a Golf Course
11. 90 = D. in a R.A. — 90 Degrees in a Right Angle
12. 200 = D. for P.G. in M. — 200 Dollars for Passing Go in Monopoly
13. 8 = S. on a S.S. — 8 Sides on a Stop Sign
14. 3 = B.M. (S.H.T.R.) — 3 Blind Mice (See How They Run)
15. 4 = Q. in a G. — 4 Quarts in a Gallon
16. 24 = H. in a D. — 24 Hours in a Day
17. 1 = W. on a U. — 1 Wheel on a Unicycle
18. 5 = D. in a Z.C. — 5 Days in a Zodiac Calendar
19. 57 = H.V. — 57 Heinz Varieties
20. 11 = P. on a F.B.T. — 11 Players on a Football Team
21. 1000 = W. that a P. is W. — 1000 Words that a Picture is Worth
22. 29 = D. in F. in a L.Y. — 29 Days in February in a Leap Year
23. 64 = S. on a C.B. — 64 Squares on a Checker Board
24. 40 = D. and N. of the G.F. — 40 Days and Nights of the Great Flood
25. 76 = T. in the B.P. — 76 Trombones in the Big Parade
26. 50 = W. to L.Y.L. — 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
27. 99 = B. of B. on the W. — 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
28. 60 = S. in a M. — 60 Seconds in a Minute
29. 1 = H. on a U. — 1 Horn on a Unicorn
30. 9 = J. on the S.C. — 9 Judges in the Supreme Court
31. 7 = B. for S.B. — 7 Brides for Seven Brothers
32. 21 = D. on a D. — 21 Dots on a Dice
33. 7 = W. of the A.W. — 7 Wonders of the Ancient World
34. 15 = M. on a D.M.C. — 15 Men on a Dead Mans Chest

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Serious - or NOT?!

I DO know that once I push the button on this entry - I’d better not go back and make any changes for WordPress and their “robot” coding area (thanks to upgrade 1-2-3—–) - an area that used to present the choice of “use it or do not use it” - the area that is now a “fixed” type of item “visual/code” - the area that strips coding if you go back to fix anything!

Either way - - It’s been a long time and I have MANY items in storage that were meant to fall in place here in the “Playground” - - I drop this small token here for the moment - let’s see if I make it back some time this day?!

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INTENT or CONTRITION?

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny Paris?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Menotti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Nikki Volpe?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Catelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Purina?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Paris, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Stumpy slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“4 months vacation and five good leads.”

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REAL DANGER?

DOCTORS

1. The number of doctors in the U.S. Is 700,000
2. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000
3. Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%

Statistics courtesy of the U.S. Dept. Of Health & Human Services

GUNS

1. The number of gun owners in the U.S. Is 80,000,000 (yes that’s 80 million)
2. The number of accidental gun deaths per year, All age groups, is 1,500
3. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875% Statistics courtesy of the FBI

So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times MORE DANGEROUS than gun owners.

Remember, guns don’t kill people, doctors do.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets completely Out of hand!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld
Statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people
To panic and seek medical attention.

H/T:
(`’·.¸(`’·.¸ ¸.·’´) ¸.·’´)
«´HumorExprezz`»
(¸.·’´(¸.·’´ `’·.¸)`’ ·.¸)
¸.·´
( `·.¸
`·.¸ )
¸.·)´
(.·´
`*.
*.

FROG NOTE: You can do the same thing with the sad death of our heroes in Iraq and Afghanistan. Even add in death of the same age group because of DUI. THEN look at all of the deaths due to traffic accidents in general.

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A store clerk’s slip-up at the cash register has paid off big time.Juanita Allen on Tuesday accidentally rang up two duplicate Powerball tickets for a customer in her town in North Carolina. At the end of the day, after she was unable to sell the second ticket, Allen paid for it herself.

The next day, Allen returned to the store and found the ticket matched all five numbers - earning her a $200,000 jackpot.

When Allen went to Raleigh to claim her prize, she met the customer who purchased the original ticket. The customer also will receive a $200,000 jackpot.

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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.”Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”"Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money!”, “I’m broke!” and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a sack of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.” The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.”

“What part of BROKE do you not understand?”

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INTERESTING CONCEPT - NOT A GAME - MERELY EDUCATIONAL

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“Fun Games for Latchkey Kids!”

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