Oredr Of Ltteers In a Wrod
Aoccdrnig to a recesarh at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Frgigin amzanig huh?
HISTORY OF HEALTH CARE
2000 B.C. - Eat this root
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic no longer works. Here, eat this root.
Found at Jokeworm.com
From E-Mail!
Have you ever wanted to "blog" in a different language?
Here's your chance - you choose the language!
Click for Wordpark "blog" in pig-latin
Lot's of "toys"
HumorExprezz sends me some of this "stuff!" in my E-Mail - contact me if you want me to connect you to them.
"Fun for the Day" can be found in the Wordpark TOOLBOX
For non-stop "Smirks" be sure to CHECK OUT:
May 31, 2005
You Know You have been in Iraq too long when ...
- When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes."
- When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus.
- Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive.
MORE . . .
LADIES vs. REAL WOMEN
- LADIES - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant fix-me up.
- REAL WOMEN - If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad.
Please recite the Real Women's motto:
"I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
- LADIES - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
- REAL WOMEN - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares!
- LADIES - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
- REAL WOMEN - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying down on the couch, with your feet up anyway!
- LADIES - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
- REAL WOMEN - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about the potatoes growing arms and legs.
- LADIES - When a cake recipe call for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
- REAL WOMEN - Go to the bakery- they'll even decorate it for you!
- LADIES - Brush some egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
- REAL WOMEN - Sara Lee frozen freaking pie directions do not include brushing egg white over anything, so don't do it!
- LADIES - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
- REAL WOMEN - Go ask the very HOT neighbor guy to do it!
- LADIES - Don't throw out all the leftover wine, Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
- REAL WOMEN - What leftover wine???
FINALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT!
- LADIES - A good friend will come and bail you out of jail.
- REAL WOMEN - A true friend will be sitting next to you saying,
"Damn . . . that was fun!"
Taken from: 
April 11, 2005 - SIGNS THE CAR IS A LEMON
Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon
- Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
- Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
- Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
- Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
- Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
- Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
- Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
- Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
- Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
- Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
- Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
- "Jaws of Life" in trunk.
- The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
- When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks
"Where do you want to go today?"
- You realize too late that it *is* your father's Oldsmobile.
- Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
- The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
April 3, 2005 - Things that make you go hmmm.
In case you've lost this "thing" or possibly have never seen it (which I doubt)
Here's the BK Subservient Chicken - Strangly functional!
Things Geeks Do on St. Patrick's Day
- Drive the snake out of Ireland, if you know what I mean
- Eat the green stuff hiding in the back of the fridge
- Track St. Patrick's Day parade on GPS
- Upgrade water-cooled computer to Guinness coolant
- Hack Internet-enabled marquees in Dublin to display the Union Jack
- Watch the Star Trek episode where Kirk and Finnegan beat the crap out of each other.
- Try to get first kiss by wearing 'kiss me I'm Irish' t-shirt
- Eat nothing but Lucky Charms all day
- Port scan for the leprechaun's pot of gold
- Put shamrocks on their website
- Drink green caffeinated beer until they puke all over their keyboard
From:
BBSpot
March 3, 2005
CLICK on "cartoon" for more laughs!
QUICK SEARCH ANYONE?
OR TRY
THIS WAY
Have been sitting on these for a few weeks now and "low-and-behold" there they are - in my "mailbox" again - they won't go away. At least now they're out of my "rotation!"
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
You know you're from up north when:
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
- You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
- The local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
- Making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snow-blower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- There is only one shopping plaza in town.
- The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo- its sausage making.
- You find -20F a little chilly.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
- You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
Top eight reasons the 80's were a cooler time to grow
up than the 90's . . .
8) MTV actually played videos in the 80's.
7) There were only one kind of Nike tennis shoes(White
with a red swoosh), and they didn't cost $125.
6) A comb in your back pocket is more practical and
less painful than a ring through your nose.
5) In the 80's playing video games actually meant going out to DO something.
4) In the 80's, when you were out partying, you didn't have to worry about your Mom
calling you on your cell.
3) In the 80s we didn't have to worry about getting our heads blown off at school-unless you put a whole pack of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke.
2) New Kids on the Block vs. Hanson. Uhg, that one's a draw.
1) In the 80's you didn't have to worry about your pants falling down all the time.
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
- The difference between the Pope and your boss . . .
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
- My mind works like lightning. One brilliant
flash and it is gone.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door
is if you're in the bathroom.
- It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
there's shipping and handling, too.
- A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
- My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
- A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
- My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could
be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
A little boy asks: Daddy, how was I born?
DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop- Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying
a car door, the other an umbrella.
The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella,
"Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to
rain in the desert?"
To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah", but it keeps
me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around
that car door, you don't even have a car to go with it"
The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too
hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"
_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_~^*^~_
A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange . . .
Officer: "May I see your driver's license?"
Driver: "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI." (Driving Under the Influence)
Officer: "May I see the owner's information for this vehicle?"
Driver: "It's not my car. I stole it."
Officer: "The car is stolen?"
Driver: "That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there."
Officer: "There's a gun in the glove box?"
Driver: "Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk."
Officer: "There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?"
Driver: "Yes, sir."
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense
situation . . .Captain: "Sir, can I see your license?"
Driver: "Sure. Here it is."
It was valid.Captain: "Who's car is this?"
Driver: "It's mine, officer. Here's the registration."
Captain: "Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? "
Driver: "Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it."
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.Captain: "Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it."
Driver: "No problem."
The trunk was opened - no body.Captain: "I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk."
Driver: "Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too."
